How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
