Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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