Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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