bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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