My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I need a beard to bite.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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