At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
