You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
