I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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