dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize