He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize