I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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