saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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