just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
