So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
