I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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