sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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