Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The power of my boobs compel you
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
