I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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