My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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