Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
