btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize