Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
