FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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