I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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