I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
