I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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