I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
