Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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