i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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