I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
