literally had 100 drinks last night.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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