just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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