Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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