oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
