just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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