the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
