Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
