i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i wish my penis had a tongue
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
my poor anus
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
