24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize