look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
did i just pee glitter
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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