he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
