how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize