cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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