Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
