youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
