I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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