Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
