Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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