I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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