I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
