Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
