Already got asked if we're dating
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
