I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize