I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
