and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
