Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
