I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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