...so i touched it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Someone came in the potted fern
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
