i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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