just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
