Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
