Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
