The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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