my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
