She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
