My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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