I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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